This is so exciting. This is my first blog post! In addition to having the honor of getting to go on journeys of healing and growth with my clients, I am also deeply passionate about writing. It is my hope that this blog take on a life of its own as time passes, and that my critical-self let it be ok that we don't know what it will be yet. Writing and I have always had a funny relationship, the archetype love hate comes to mind, but I am not entirely sure it fully captures what I mean. I love writing so much I fear that the second I get lost with a pen between the pages, the entire rest of my life will dissolve into an indecipherable fog. You know just things like my children, putting food on the table, the family dog, etc. I can't even take the slightest chance that I could be consumed to the point of being spread any more thin than I already have been. I have been going to school, working full time, and raising three kids primarily by myself, living paycheck to paycheck and just scraping by for as long as I can remember. This has left no room for silly dalliances like art. As life has evolved and I am arriving at space that allows for much more room to nurture my gifts I am so much in the habit of living in a manner that drives ever forward, and does not stop to smell the roses, that I had found my creative juices to be non-existent. I have wonderful friends who are always encouraging me in a multitude of ways to open the flood gates and get my words out into the world.
A recent attempt has led me to the book "The Artist's Way, A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity." The author, Julia Cameron writes of a tool coined "the morning pages". The morning pages is a stream-of-consciousness based activity where you begin the day by writing the good ol'-fashioned way, longhand on paper. These pages are not meant to be art or even coherent you can just write anything that comes to mind, and there is no wrong way to do them. The author also instructs that you should not read them to anyone else, or even yourself (for the first 8 weeks or so), just keep doing them. This purging of information from your brain creates space for creativity to exist. A particular favorite line from the book so far is this "always remember that your Censor's negative opinions are not the truth."
I have been doing morning pages for four days now and it has been quite the journey. I won't say too much about it here yet because I want people's own experiences to be allowed to take shape. I will say that throughout the day I have many more ideas and feel lighter. Also that this feels like the activity that will reunite me with a piece of myself that is integral to my being. Many experiences in my life have broken me open to vulnerability and change, most of them involving deep pain. I don't imagine this will be any exception. Faint of heart beware and turn back now ;)