We are only a sum of our moments. I have so many where someone has gone out of their way to make sure I felt special. I had a beginning where I didn’t feel special very often and at the time I didn’t understand why I felt so lost, confused, and less than, all the time. Over the years I have collected so many moments that are in stark contrast to that. There are so many players that have contributed to me coming into a space where I feel safe and grounded, and my gratitude abounds for each one.
The other night in my neighborhood a birthday party was thrown for a dear friend across the street. Someone asked her, "do you feel special?", and she said "I do". There was food, friends, kids playing all over, and shared human experience. There are many other moments where that person struggles with herself and with the intricacies of navigating finances, stress, etc, but for that night those were dim and special was bright. Hold on to that, to the moments, because the next morning arrives and regular everyday life kicks in and can try and drain all of the joy that was gathered right out.
For some people they have a main support situation that makes sure on specific days etc. that that person feels special. For myself I’ve had to collect these moments in a variety of places, like walking on a beach and finding sea glass. I gather these moments and push them straight into my heart so that they may live there and shine brightly out of me as I traverse sometimes desolate and lonely paths. In the past I have been a hunter gatherer of these moments and dove head first into trying to turn one set of them into something that will last a lifetime. Each time one of these situations fell apart my whole self shattered and felt lost all over the place. As I have matured over the years I realize that the moments are never lost if our expectation of outcome can be calmed. If we can stop and take the time to appreciate all the moments we are given. The only constant is change. Can we bend and flow with what life puts in our paths or do we rigidly grab to one thing and try to keep it just as it is in a moment to maintain an illusion of safety?
Some people’s lives require them to need to look harder than others to feel special. Some people find it hard to feel special even when they have these moments. Some people have a hard time seeing the moments even when they are there. Life is funny. We are all in this together at least. I have often seen people feel as if they are on the margins of the other special people, and they are just not part of that in crowd. Even when they are invited to the party they feel like the unwanted guest. I believe anyone can feel special it depends on perspective and what we are willing to see as evidence of our beauty and what we have to offer. It depends on whether we can look within to know our worth or if we can only find sources externally.
What I have learned, especially in my private practice, is that everyone is special. I have sat across from people with vastly different beliefs and perspectives, and they are still special. Everyone has something to offer to the people around them and to the world at large, the trick is unlocking this. This is a clever game as so many things in life have the potential to dim our shine.
So I’ll leave you with this: What have you done to make someone feel special today? Maybe you have done many things and didn’t even know that it made someone else feel like they matter. Also what have you done in your self-work to strive toward seeing how special you are and what you have to offer?
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antonie St. Exupery, "The Little Prince"
